Tomorrow, I have to do something that I never thought I would ever have to do in my lifetime - but now have to do for a second time this year - I have to eulogize a very close friend of mine at his funeral.

When this year began, I was hopeful that it would be a good one - and it has instead turned out to be the best year of my life - with two exceptions - losing Bradd on January 5th - and losing Doug on September 11th.

If you would have told me on December 31, 2000 that I would lose two of my closest friends in the coming year, I never would have believed you - because now that it has happened - I still can't believe it. As a child, I experienced the deaths of my father, my grandfathers - and my uncles - but never the loss of a friend - but I have unfortunately more then made up for that this year - by losing two of my closest friends that I shared a collective twenty years of friendship with over the course of only nine months.

And at 11:00am tomorrow morning, I once again have to stand up in front of my friends and family and say goodbye to someone that I never thought would be ripped from life as brutally as he was. Bradd's death was unfortunately and sadly something that was expected due to his very tough battle with cancer that eventually took his life - but Doug's death was a sudden and unexpected act of pure hate that in one split second silenced one of the most vibrant and selfless souls that I have ever encountered in my lifetime.

When it came to finally having to accept Doug's loss and plan his memorial, Doug's mother and Doug's wife Amy - along with the majority of our friends - thought that the only person who could properly eulogize Doug would be me. They feel that I am the only one who could put into words what all of us are feeling. While I am very honored and appreciative that they feel that way - it makes me wish that I was not a writer - because I can't do it.

As I wrote the eulogy yesterday, I felt my heart tighten as my self-exiled emotions toiled with the fact that Douglas Farnum is dead - which are four words that I never thought I would see in the same sentence. So if I could hardly stand writing the eulogy - how in the world am I supposed to stand up and read it?

No matter what I have to do to get through it - I would never let Amy and Doug's mother down - so I will find a way to read it.

I just wish that I didn't have to.