It’s no secret that my emotions have been going haywire since September 11th. From emotions like fear and anger to emotions like incredible sadness and despair – to no emotions at all – I am definitely not the same person today that I was on September 10th. And now, on top of all of the other feelings and emotions that have creeped up on me since that fateful Tuesday – I am now suffering from nightmares.

From dreams of getting shot, to dreaming that the entire City in ruins – to dreaming that I have to run and hide from bands of terrorists – I have had at least five nightmares this week alone. I actually don’t know what is scarier, the fact that I am suffering from recurring nightmares – or the fact that the nightmares seem so real. Throughout my life, my dreams, whether good or bad, have always been a very realistic experience. In my dreams, I feel what I am holding, taste what I am eating – and can feel pain or pleasure as if I was actually experiencing it. While this can be a good thing when I am having a happy dream – it can make nightmares a lot worse then they already are.

The other night’s nightmare was one of the worst so far. I dreamt that I was in a bar with friends when I noticed a man holding a gun and pointing it at the bartender, and before I could say anything to anyone – he began opening fire. When I tried to run away, I was knocked down and found myself on the floor staring at the gunman – who fired four shots into my arm and side.

Almost all of my dreams for the last week have been similar to the one I had the other night. I can remember having another dream that I was in New York City – and the entire City looked like Ground Zero. I remember another dream I had that there were ground troops fighting Taliban troops in Manhattan – and another one where I was hiding in buildings to avoid being shot by an invasion force that landed in New York.

No matter the subject of the nightmare, they are nightmares nonetheless. And while I certainly can’t control my dreams – I can hope that these nightmares will stop sooner then later – because it’s bad enough that I have been living a nightmare since September 11th.