Since September 11th, I have been to Ground Zero about five times - and each time I see it - I am just as upset and shocked at the devastation as I was the first time I came back to Ground Zero since I ran away from it on the day none of us will ever forget. However yesterday, I not only saw Ground Zero again - I went right into the middle of the site - and stood on top of "The Pile".
As it has become known, "The Pile" is what is in the middle of the two towers and is just what it's name entails - a pile of debris that is bigger then my house. In fact, it is so large that a huge crane has to place rescue workers on top of it.
Yesterday, we took a pool of local reporters to Ground Zero to interview both Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik and Fire Commissioner Thomas Von Essen. When we arrived at the site by Police Harbor Boat, we were taken to what used to be the corner of Liberty and West Streets where we were to wait for both Commissioners to arrive. When we made it to the corner - we were at the back of the site. Having never been to this section of the site - it was like seeing it for the first time all over again.
This particular view of Ground Zero gives a view of destruction unlike any other place around the site. Standing directly across from One and Two World Trade Center - you see the two shelled out bottoms of the towers, as well as the partially collapsed Four, Five and Six World Trade Center behind the towers - and The Pile.
As I stood there waiting for the Commissioners to arrive - I was marveled at the site that I saw. As far as my eye could see, I saw cranes - at least a dozen of them - picking at the debris like giant metal hands and placing their catch in dump trucks. One by one, the dump trucks would arrive at the site empty - and leave full of debris containing pieces of the buildings, the planes - and the people who lost their lives so violently.
For at least an hour we waited - and the whole time - the site I saw transfixed me. Even the reporters around me, whose job it was to report about the site we saw, stood as silent as I was gazing at the destruction before us.
When the Commissioners arrived, I went with the group interviewing Police Commissioner Kerik. As we stood at the site while the press got their interviews, I was still gazing at the wreckage as if we just arrived - despite the fact that we were there for at least two hours. As the interviews were drawing to a close, I noticed one of the Commissioner's assistants passing out hardhats to the cameramen, the reporters - and myself. I had no idea why until I was told that the Police Commissioner wanted to take the press into the middle of the site - and right on top of The Pile.
With my visit yesterday, I can now say that I have been on every side of Ground Zero and seen it from every possible angle - except one - I have never been in the very middle of the site itself - until yesterday.
As myself, Police Commissioner Kerik and the members of the press made our way up the makeshift ramp to the middle of the site and the top of The Pile, I felt my heart tighten as we got closer and closer to our destination. When we made it to The Pile, I looked down and saw a hole that was at least fifty feet deep - full of twisted, burning debris - and rescue workers inside the hole still desperately trying to find survivors.
After gazing at the hole underneath The Pile - I turned my body completely around in a circle and realized that I was indeed right in the middle of Ground Zero. As I stood on a site that was once the home of the world's most prominent buildings that were seen as the crowning jewel of the Manhattan skyline that was now nothing but miles of destruction - I could feel the death around me. In my mind, I could still see the buildings that used to tower over my head falling to the ground and landing all around where I was standing. I could see the people leaping from the towers and landing in the wreckage before me - and worse then that - I could actually smell the death around me.
After the Police Commissioner was done with the press and we were ready to leave The Pile - I stopped for a moment and stood silent as my way of honoring those lives that ended where I stood. I also reached down and grabbed a piece of metal that was among the over one million tons of wreckage surrounding me. What appeared to have once been a part of the towers, this four inch piece of metal was so thick it was impossible to bend by hand - but was so twisted, dented and mangled - that it alone told the story of the destruction that took place at Ground Zero on September 11th.
I am sure that my job will no doubt require me to travel to Ground Zero again. No matter how many times I go back - I am still appalled and shocked by the view that I see - because I still remember what I used to see when I stood there before.