I have hundreds of colleagues at the Buildings Department – but I have only a few close friends. One of them is John. He may be the Manhattan Borough Manager, but to me – he is my bud. Frequently we go to lunch or take a break from City Service and chat about each other’s lives. John, a husband and father of two, is always fascinated by my life. Besides the fact that I am single and live alone – the fact that I am a Press Secretary to the Mayor, a host of a wrestling TV show and an employee of South Park amazes him. At least once during each one of our conversations, he tells me that I don’t appreciate my life – he’s right.

For some reason, I have all of these wonderful things going on in my life and I appreciate and enjoy it less then my friends do – and they aren’t the ones that are living this life – I am.

I wish I knew why I can live this life but not enjoy it. From as early as I can remember, I have wished that I would have a life that would consist of a home that I loved, a job or jobs that I looked forward to doing every day, friends that enjoy my company so much that my phone rings off the hook – and some form of notoriety. And before I reached the age of thirty – I have achieved all that and then some. So why don’t I appreciate it?

I try so hard to accept the fact that I have everything I have ever wanted, but I guess I am so immersed in my life that I can’t take the time to appreciate and enjoy what I have worked so hard for – and dreamed so long for.

Can you imagine having everything you have hoped and dreamed for in the palm of your hand and having your friends enjoy it more then you do? That’s what is happening to me.

Maybe it’s because I am to worried about losing it all. Maybe it’s because I don’t have the time to sit back and enjoy what I have accomplished. Or maybe I am just to humble to allow myself to give myself the accolades that everyone else gives me – but I wish I could.

No offense John – but I wish you were wrong. I wish I was able to be as excited about my life and as appreciative of it as everyone else is.

Maybe someday.