The other day I had to run from the DOB to a wrestling meeting and had no time to grab dinner. So, in my rushed attempt to quell the ever growing demons in my stomach, I shoved a plate of Lo Mein down my throat that I bought from one of those “food by the pound” places – big mistake. Instead of getting a full stomach from the Lo Mein – I got a valuable lesson in the fact that you should never eat food that has been sitting under a heat lamp untouched for hours. So my attempt to get a quick meal instead cost me two days off work and a trip to the doctor.

While waiting for the doctor, I decided to weigh myself and now tip the scales at 183 pounds. While being examined by the doctor, I informed him that I weighed myself and what the scale said. He stopped, looked at my chart, and informed me that at this time last year – I was 162 pounds. When I asked him if it’s bad that I gained 21 pounds in one year – he classified my weight gain with a very medical term – disgusting.

As much as I appreciate my doctor’s medical opinion on how much weight I have gained – It appears that I didn’t need it – because that very morning, when I bent down to get something – I split my pants.

Ok – so I gained weight – now its time to get rid of it.

I have decided that instead of turning to celebrity diets, Slim Fast and all of the other commercially generated weight loss programs – I’m going to do this my way. In the past – when my metabolism was my friend – I always ate whatever I wanted even if our friendly neighborhood media told you that it would kill you. So that is how I am going to battle my bulge – on my terms.

Here’s what I plan to do:

• The first thing I am going to do is stop eating at places that allow you to Super Size your meal for only thirty-nine cents more – because what’s another thirty-nine cents? How about another thirty-nine pounds?

• The next thing I plan to do is do a few sit ups before I shower every morning. Right now – I can do three before passing out – I’ll try to work my way up to twenty a day.

• I also plan to shorten the size of my meals. If I can eat a box of pasta in one sitting – how about a half a box? Maybe shortening the size of my meals will also shorten the size of my stomach.

• Drinking lots of fluids will also be a part of my new regimen – but the right ones this time. Right now, I usually whack down a two liter bottle of Pepsi during one meal – I think I will start whacking down eight glasses of water from now on.

I know that if I put my mind to it – I can get back the stomach I once had. It won’t be easy, but I am very unhappy with the way my body looks and although I never considered myself an Adonis – I would like to have a flat stomach again.

Besides – I’m running out of pants.