All of my life, I have been a big eater. At one meal I could go through enough helpings for an entire family. Whether it be a box of pasta, three Whoppers, or a pint of Hagen-Daz – I could eat it and never gain an ounce. But as of late, my metabolism has started to slow down and I have been gaining weight ever since.

I think the biggest clue to my sudden weight gain is the ever increasing size of my stomach. Lately, my once flat stomach has been doing its own impersonation of Jiffy Pop popcorn – starting out flat and slowly increasing in size. It’s even gotten to the point where I don’t even want to look in the mirror anymore because I don’t want to see how much bigger my stomach is.

More then the fact that it upsets me, I would love to know how this happened. It’s not like I changed my eating habits. I always ate as much as I do now. In fact – I probably eat less now due to my busy schedule. So why does my stomach resemble a pregnant woman’s in her second trimester?

My biggest problem now is trying to figure out how to replace my basketball size stomach with the one I used to have. It’s not as easy as it sounds for a number of reasons. For one, exercise is out of the question because of my schedule which doesn’t even allow me time to go to the bathroom. Two, my appetite is still the same so if I cut down on what I eat – I’ll still be hungry. Three, because of my aforementioned schedule, I do not have the time to eat three healthy meals a day and have to resort to fast food to fill the ever growing hole in the middle of my body.

The fact that I am upset about my stomach only got worse today when the doctor who conducted my recent sleep study informed me that I have mild sleep apnea and that although it is mild – weight gain will make my condition worse.

Figures.