When it comes to our past relationships, there is always one person that we used to love who we still think of. The one that pops in our minds whenever a sad song plays on the radio. The one that we still think about and wonder where they are and what they are doing even though years have past since we were with that person. For me, that person will always be Rose.

I met her four years ago this week when I went to the Nevele for a Kiwanis convention. She was there because her father was a member of the organization. To me, an organized, anal-retentive, man who’s idea of perfection was a neat office and a clean room – she was the exact opposite of me. She was a free-spirited, “go where the wind takes me”, “live out of the back of my car” woman who never lived life by a schedule and considered her freedom and independence perfection. Yet, there was something about her that instantly captivated my attention.

At a convention where everyone else was close to three times our age, we found ourselves keeping each other company when the Kiwanis events ended. At first, our time together was forced by those around us as we were asked to help mind a booth together – but by nightfall – we found ourselves sitting in a ski chalet that could hold a thousand people completely alone talking about our lives until 3:00am – and that was only the first day we met.

As the convention pressed on, our time together became more frequent – and more intimate. By the last day of the convention – I found myself all but in love with a woman that I had not known existed four days ago. To this day, I still have no idea how that had happened. I guess it was the fact that I spent four days – and nights with her, or it could be that my life at home was not happy and she was filling the void that was missing. Either way – I have no regrets.

When I met Rose – I was married – but my marriage was a year and a half old and was already giving me the seven year itch. Don’t get me wrong, my ex-wife is a great person, it’s just that we were not meant for each other. Our home life consisted of me in the den listening to music and her in the living room reading her latest book. And when it came to romance, let’s just say were weren’t like a couple of teenagers. As Michael Feinstein wrote, “We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes – but we were as cold as yesterday’s mashed potatoes.” So maybe Rose was so captivating because of the fact that I was finally getting romantic attention from someone. Whatever it was, I didn’t care – all I know is I welcomed the attention – and her – with open arms.

When the convention ended, I gave her my beeper number, but never expected to hear from her again – but she beeped me the night I got home. For the next few months, we grew closer and closer as my ex-wife and I drifted farther and farther apart. The more I spent time with Rose, the more I fell for her. Looking back, the feelings I had for Rose could probably be categorized as a classic “re-bound” – maybe. All I know is that when I had those feelings – “rebound” or not – they felt really nice.

In October of 1996, I asked Lis for a divorce. The reason had absolutely nothing to do with Rose – at least not in a direct sense. By no means did I, “leave Lis for another woman.” – I left Lis for myself. From as early as January of that year, I had considered ending our marriage – but never had the guts to do it. Rose helped me acquire that guts. She made me realize that there was someone else out there who wanted me. Believe it or not – I needed that. I never had very much personal self-confidence, so Rose taking an interest in me when I was waist deep in an un-romantic marriage made me see that I don’t have to stay in a bad marriage if I didn’t want to – that is something I really, really needed.

So after I divorced Lis, I tried to get involved with Rose – big mistake – for a number of reasons. One, I turned whatever we were into a “re-bound” – and two – she was so not interested in a relationship with me no matter how interested I was. So she spent the next four months from October to January ignoring and avoiding me as much as she could until she finally gave up and left in January.

The strange thing is, even though we hardly had an actual relationship – I still think about her as if we had the perfect relationship. The only logical reason I can give to this is because you always want what you can’t get. Too bad she didn’t want me as much as I wanted her.

It has been years since I have seen or even spoken to her and my life has gone in so many different directions since that convention at the Nevele. My feelings for her have been gone for a long time now and I am very happy with Sandy – but I still think about her and that time in my life every once in a while. The sad thing is that I would bet my paycheck that she has all but forgotten about me and probably doesn’t even remember that we met – I only wish I could say the same.