On September 1, 1999, I began my tenure as the Moderator of the South Park Booster Club. My contract with Comedy Central obligates me to do the South Park Digest 365 days a year – without holidays. I absolutely love doing the Digest and it is one of the things I look forward to doing most each day – but no matter how you slice it – it’s still technically “work”. Today is July 24, 2000, which means that because I have been doing the Digest every single day – I have been working for the past 326 days – without one day off.

Since the first day I punched in as a member of the working world, I have worked many days in a row without a day off – but never a straight year without a break. Despite the fact that I love everything that I do – I really need a vacation.

What made me realize this all to obvious fact was that as of late, practically everyone I have spoken to recently has told me that they either are going or have been on vacation. This one is going to the Bahamas, this one is off to Jamaica, this one is going biking in Canada – me – I’d fly from JFK to La Guardia with a stop over at Newark at this point.

One of the many vacationers I was recently speaking to asked me when my last vacation was. After thinking for a moment, I came to the horrible conclusion that the last time I was away for an official, “nothing at all to do but veg-out” vacation was when I went to Arizona – in 1987. Since then, I went to Hilton Head, South Carolina for a weekend, but I worked a wrestling show, so it technically wasn’t a vacation. I was stunned to realize that I have not been away for a real vacation in 13 years.

I know that it’s no one’s fault but my own that I am so busy, no one forces me to do what I do – but everyone deserves a break – even me. I mean, I am on call with the Department of Buildings 24 hours a day, I get paged about Ring Fever seven days a week, and I have to do the South Park Digest 365 days a year. Where is there a moment to go on vacation?

I can not say that I have not taken an hour here or a half a day there, but I need a good week to absolutely disappear from everything and everyone at a secret location where my pager and cell phone can not reach – unfortunately – I don’t see that happening anytime soon. So I am forced to face the harsh reality that the closest I will come to getting away from it all is to change the wallpaper on my laptop to a picture of a tropical island – and wish I was there.