One thing I have always prided myself on is the fact that I have always been in great shape. No matter how much I ate and how little I worked out – I never weighed over 160 pounds in my whole life. But while in the locker room at a wrestling show last Saturday night, I decided to weigh myself for the first time in God knows how long – and was in shock when I discovered that I weigh 180 pounds.

As I pushed the scale past 165 pounds, I was convinced the scale was out of whack. I refused to believed that I had passed 165 pounds – I have always been the type that could pack food away and never gain a pound. All I would hear are people asking me questions like, “Where do you put it?” and “What do you have – a hollow leg?” Well, it appears that my hollow leg has filled up and I have no where else to put it – so it’s been going right to my stomach.

I have to admit that my weight gain shouldn’t have come as such a surprise to me. Over the last month, I have experienced a number of instances that should have clued me in on the fact that I am finally putting on a few pounds:

• Considering the fact that I have maintained the same weight most of my life, I have been able to keep a wardrobe containing clothes I bought many years ago. To put it another way – I still wear outfits I wore when I worked at Independence Savings Bank back in 1993 – and they fit as good as they did then – or at least they used to. Lately, the simple act of buttoning my pants has involved lots of sucking in of the stomach and squeezing of the pants.

• Although I have never been an athletic person, I was always in good shape. I may not be able to run a 25-mile marathon, but I could at least run a few blocks without breaking a sweat – not any more. When I was late in meeting my friend Doug for lunch recently, I ran the four blocks from my office to the place where we meet – and almost collapsed from exhaustion.

• I have always been a heavy eater. I could wolf down a meal in seconds and continue the project I was working on as if I never stopped to eat – now, after a meal I need at least an hour to sit and digest because my stomach feels as if it weighs a ton – the problem is that it does.

So now that my body has decided to stop burning up the food I eat and instead spackle it to the inside of my stomach – what do I do now? I have always tried my best to gain weight – now I have to figure out how to lose it.

What’s funny is that the aforementioned examples should have made me realized I was gaining weight – but it was the statement my nephew made at Easter dinner that made me realize it and write this column. After dinner, he wanted to take a tour of the hotel that the restaurant we had dinner at was in. So he walks over to me and says, “C’mon Uncle Paulie, take a walk with me – you’ll lose some weight.”

Will someone please pass me a Diet Pepsi?