All New Year’s weekend, VH1 played a marathon of my favorite television show, Behind The Music. Being someone who is addicted to the show – it’s no secret what I watched all weekend. But besides providing me with some great entertainment and insight into some of my favorite musicians, watching the marathon also provided me with some insight into my own life – and my New Year’s resolution.

No matter who was profiled on Behind The Music, each superstar had the same problem – they had everything a person could hope for – fame fortune, love, and thousands of adoring fans – and they were miserable, depressed or even suicidal. It didn’t matter that they had everything they always dreamed of and hoped for – because they were consumed with subconscious feelings of insecurity, stage fright or inferiority.

It was the profile of Rick Springfield that struck me the most. In an interview, he described that even though he was a famous rock star with a number one record on stage in front of an arena full of his fans with his face on the walls of the bedrooms of almost every teenage girl in America – he had no confidence in himself. In the interview, he described how all this stuff would go through his head like, “Am I good enough? How could they like me? What if I screw up?” – that is exactly how I feel.

Despite the fact that I have everything I could have hoped for in my life – a position in the Giuliani Administration, a television show about wrestling that I host, a Digest for South Park that I moderate – and a girl that I plan to marry – I am so busy worrying that I am going to lose it all that I have no time to actually enjoy it.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been this way. No matter what was going on in my life, I was always worried that it wouldn’t last. Even if everything was great – I would worry that it would go bad. So instead of enjoying what I worked so hard for – I would constantly expect it to come to an end.

Professionally, I was always worried that I would lose my job. I would spend every day at work constantly fearing getting fired. What if my boss thinks I am not doing a good job? What if I get fired? What if I am not good enough? This behavior also carried into my personal life. Whenever I was involved in a relationship, I was always worried that the girl I was with would leave me. What if I am not a good enough boyfriend? What if someone better comes along? Does she really love me? So even if the jobs and relationships I had were going well – it didn’t matter to me – because I was always worried that they were not.

This may seem like strange behavior to most people – but when you have been living this way most of your adult life – you get used to it. But after this weekend, I have decided to abandon the fears I have embraced for so long and actually enjoy living the life I have worked so hard to build.

I am only approaching my 28th birthday and I have a lot going for me in my short life. If I spend the rest of my life fearing losing all that I have – then I don’t deserve to have it in the first place. My jobs deserve better, the fans of my TV show deserve better, the members of the South Park Booster Club deserve better – and most importantly – Sandy deserves better.

So that’s my New Year’s resolution – from now on, I will stop worrying about my life – and start living it.