First off, from the moment we moved in, which was December 23, 2007 – we never met this guy. I invited him and his wife over for dinner and out to dinner countless times – but he never accepted. In fact, he wasn’t even there to sign the lease and never even responded yay or nay to the wedding invitation we sent him. We also were living with a fridge that leaked a chemical that made our food go bad. I had asked him many times to buy us a new fridge – which he never did. So, since I had a fridge of my own – we got rid of his and replaced it with mine – and even left it for him and never asked for the money for it…

…and yet, when we moved out and left the place spotless – he told us that the house was disgusting – and that he was not returning our security deposit.

Julie has a phrase that she often uses, which is, “people suck.” After dealing with this snake – I concur. She spent three days cleaning the place, we gave him a free fridge – and she even jumped through hoops to replace the keys that were lost in the mail so he would not have to go through the trouble of tracking them down. Yet, he said that the kitchen and bathroom floors were in such bad shape – that he had to replace them at a cost of $4,000 – and that you could, “peel the nicotine off of the walls.” Anyone who has been to any of my apartments – or viewed pictures of my former homes on my website – knows that I am an immaculate neat freak – and would never leave an apartment in disarray after I moved out. So the bottom line is – he stole our security deposit as punishment for us moving out.

If that is not enough, he even went so far as to say I broke our lease. In January, 2009, our lease expired. I called him and reminded him that our lease was up – and said that we would be happy to sign a new one. “That’s not necessary,” he said. “You guys are fine.” When I reminded him of that when he told us this bucket of bull last week – he said we had a verbal lease. According to New Jersey State Law – there is no such thing.

The clincher of this scam was when I offered to meet him at the apartment to have him show me the “irreparable damage” to the kitchen and bathroom floors – to which he said no. The obvious reason is because the floors are fine – because Julie saw them with her own eyes. It astounds me how he was nice to us up until the moment he received the replaced keys in the mail – and then became an asshole.

Just because you own property and are called a Land Lord does not mean you are a Deity. According to the real estate paperwork that we saw before we moved in, the apartment was empty for months. Now that the economy is in the toilet, and considering the fact that he is asking such a ridiculous amount for rent – I hope the apartment stays vacant for years – and that his next tenants are exactly what he had the nerve to call us…

…“white trash.”

Thanks for proving Julie’s phrase to be absolutely accurate in your case – because you do suck…

…I have an idea for a “thank you” gift for my former Deity – anyone know where I can purchase a pregnant cockroach?