Whenever two people begin a relationship, it is inevitable that over time, their lives will become entwined in many ways. Besides emotionally and physically, the couple’s material possessions will also begin to entwine themselves. Whether it be from staying over each other’s houses, exchanging personal items as a way of expressing love, or by actually moving in together, at some point during the course of their relationship, the couple’s material possessions will eventually join as closely as their hearts.

While this is the common natural progression of any happy relationship, it can become a problem if the relationship comes to an end. Now, in addition to the couple having to sort out their emotions, their possessions have to be sorted out as well. What was brought into the relationship by each person has to be taken back, and what was purchased during the relationship has to be divided. Sometimes, this can be a more painful and difficult task then dealing with the emotions themselves, because the task of actually boxing up possessions and separating belongings brings an actuality and finality to the break up.

While in most cases, the task of separating the couple’s possessions is accomplished with little, if any conflict, there are some cases where one partner can use the other’s material possessions as a tool or a weapon. In some cases, one might try to keep some, if not all of their partner’s belongings to ensure that they will still have to maintain some sort of communication because that person does not want to let go of their partner. Or, one might keep their partner’s belongings as a way of expressing anger or seeking revenge for the ending of the relationship no matter how priceless or invaluable their partner’s belongings may be. In either case, one partner is left with a house full of their past, while another is left with a future without their possessions and feelings of anger and sadness toward their former partner for not giving them back what is rightfully theirs.

I am sorry to say that this has happened to me. The last relationship I was in ended in February of this year and at the time of the break up, I had left with only what I could carry. To be honest, many of my friends had told me to take my belongings out of the apartment when I was considering ending the relationship, but I did not. The reason I did not was because despite the fact that our relationship was becoming intolerable, I did not think she would not allow me to come back for my belongings, considering the fact that at one time in her past, she had to leave a relationship with only the clothes on her back and knew how painful it was to have to abandon all she had acquired over the course of her life.

Over the months that followed, I tried several times to get my things back. We would make mutually convenient arrangements, and they would be cancelled at the last minute – sometimes by her, and sometimes by me. Again, this did not concern me because although we were no longer a couple, I did care for her as a person and was assured by her that everything I owned was safe and in good hands, and no matter how long they remained there, that was fine with her.

Eventually – and inevitably – we both moved on and found someone new. At this point, I thought it was time I finally remove my belongings from her house. I did this for two reasons: One, I didn’t think it was fair to her that she try to begin a new relationship with her "ex-boyfriend’s" belongings still in her house. And two, I did not want to date one woman while everything I owned was in another woman’s house. So I contacted her and told her that it was time for me to take everything out of her house. I even offered her half of my furniture to keep because I was so grateful that she held on to everything for so long even though we were no longer together.

The arrangement was made and the date was set. I rented a truck and had three friends clear their schedule that day to help me move. Then, two days before moving day, she informed me that she was canceling and that no matter what, I would never get my belongings back.

The reason for her doing this is still unclear to me, but I am now left with only my clothes and nothing more. While many of my friends have told me – and offered – to take my things back from her by force, I won’t do that. I should not have to beg for my own belongings.

I will confess that this does upset me greatly. You see, a bed, a dresser and a few end tables can be replaced – but a desk that belonged to my father, every single article I have ever written, the Christmas ornaments I made with my family when I was twelve and the framed letters of recognition I received throughout my career as a journalist are irreplaceable – and the worst part is, she knows that – and does not care.

It has been two months since the day she cancelled and I have made no attempt to contact her for my belongings. Although it haunts me terribly every day, and despite the fact that all of my friends have offered to do everything from call her and try and talk her into giving me my stuff back to physically breaking her door down, I have decided to let it go.

The reason for my decision is simple – yes, some of the things she has of mine may be irreplaceable, but what is even more irreplaceable is knowing that rather than spend my life with someone who would deny someone all of their possessions for her own selfish reasons, I have the rest of my life to acquire new irreplaceable belongings – and keep them.