I consider myself to be a semi-educated person. All my life, I have tried to absorb as much knowledge about as many subjects as possible – and I feel that I have, over the course of my life – done just that. But despite all that I have learned over the last thirty-three years – there is one subject that I will never, ever be able to comprehend no matter how much study time I put into it – and that subject is women.

Since my first date, I have tried desperately to comprehend the mystery of “The Fairer Sex” – but have been unable to do so. No matter how hard I tried, or how much effort I put into trying to please them – I have failed miserably. For so long, I have wondered why my romantic efforts have been met with disaster, but, as of late – I have finally figured out the answer. Thanks to some internal soul searching, some research – and some conversations I have had with ladies I know very well – I now know why – the reason is because I am too nice.

From what I have come to realize since talking with at least a dozen women over the last few months, I have come to discover that the ideal man in most women’s eyes is – quite frankly – an asshole. In other words, most of the women I have spoken with – who, by the way, range in age from 18 to 35 – want to date a guy who will guarantee them some level of drama in the form of arguments, spats, and jealousy. They desire a man who is not always romantic, kind, sweet and caring – but one who is a “bad boy.”

Why?

For the life of me, I cannot figure out why a woman would want to infuse that kind of drama and negativity into their existence. Personally, I want nothing more then a life that overflows with romance, passion and love – and is completely devoid of arguments, issues and drama. So, if that is truly what women want – then I guess I will be single for the rest of my life.

Currently, I am very, very jaded when it comes to finding “Mrs. Right.” In fact, as it stands now, I refuse to even begin to search for a future ex “Mrs. Wein.” But the sad thing is that, deep down, I would give anything to find and fall in love with a lady who I could share my life with. Someone who would fill my heart and my soul with the kind of love that feels as warm as a pair of jeans that you took right out of the dryer and put on. But, sadly, because I am not an asshole – I guess my search is over before it even begins.

While the romantic side of me is very sad and disappointed that I don’t want to and feel that I will never find my “soul mate” – the jaded side of me is glad that I have decided to abandon this fruitless search for a woman that doesn’t even exist – because it seems that nice guys, do indeed, finish last.

Danielle Maestrallis contributed to this column.