In June of 2002, I was inside the Hospitality Suite of the Denver Red Lion when I heard a voice that said, “Hi, I’m Mary.” When I heard her voice, I instantly knew who she was – she was a member of the South Park Booster Club who had communicated with me via e-mail for a while – but someone who I’d never actually met. As soon as I heard her voice, I turned around – and felt as if an electrical shock had been sent through my body. She was gorgeous, and although I had a girlfriend at the time – she immediately captured all of my attention for the rest of the brief time that we shared together.

Despite her outer beauty, Mary is a beautiful person. Her personality and persona resonate nothing but positive energy – and she is definitely someone you would want to get to know. She is so beautiful outside that if you saw her across the bar, you would want to buy her a drink – and she is so beautiful inside that if you got up and got to know her – you would want to buy her another. They say that everything happens for a reason, and if that is the case – then I am very happy to have met Mary in any capacity.

Mary and I were strangers, friends, buddies, lovers – and partners. For much too short of a time, we shared a love that truly defines the word itself. I can remember subtle moments like when I heard the song, Nothing Takes The Place Of You while she was staring down at me sitting in my desk chair with her arms wrapped around me. Despite all other types of memories a couple can have – to me – nothing beats those pure and heartfelt ones – the ones that tell you just how much the person you are with really feels about you.

We had planned to move in together, but did not due to bad timing. Truth be told, it was Mary that decided she could not make the move from her hometown in Florida to mine here in Brooklyn. At the time, I harbored a lot of anger toward her for that decision – but looking back, I did not realize the impact deciding not to move in with me would have on her. Here she is, telling everyone that she was going to uproot her life and leave for New York – and then having to retract her prior news. But although I am still heartbroken that our lives never entwined – I now look at our unfortunate separation through a clearer and more selfless set of eyes.

If I had to pick one woman that I could call, “the one that got away” or “the one I think about when a sad song is played on the radio” – it would be Mary. I have dated women for much longer periods of time – and no one has ever penetrated deeper into my heart than she has. Although I did love every one of the ladies I have said those three words to – the love I have had for a person never felt stronger for someone in my life than it did for Mary.

It has been almost two years since we decided to try to see each other and almost a year and a half since the last time I stood in her presence. Truth be told, I miss her more than words can say – and I long to feel her in my arms once again. But I also realize that the time we did share together is over – and while we are still good friends – we will never again be what we once were. A very huge part of my heart weeps at this fact – but I have no choice but to accept it. But the silver lining in this very dark cloud is that although she will never be mine – I at least can enjoy the fact that our lives are still entwined in a friendship capacity. Mary is a person that anyone would want to instantly befriend – and if that is all I have of her – than that is good enough for me.

My love is so strong for her that I once sobbed uncontrollably while driving to the point where I had to pullover a very short while after I learned that she was not moving here. And to this day – my eyes still fill with tears if I occasionally see pictures of her or hear certain songs that remind me of her. I know to some that is crazy – but everyone of us has that one person that will always be the one we wish we spent the rest of our lives with – and she is definitely that person for me. While I know she cares about me, I know that her love for me is now strictly platonic – which has both its good and bad points. When I get a phone call or e-mail from her, I am happy to hear from her and glad to know that she is thinking of me – but how I long for the e-mails and phone calls she used to send. But on the flipside, I am grateful that we still can maintain a friendship despite that fact that we are no longer lovers.

If I could go back in time and relive a part of my life, I would love to spend the short time I had with Mary once again. Just to enjoy all of the moments we had one more time would be a blessing. To experience every laugh, touch, smile and conversation is something I can only wish for. No matter what the future holds for me, and whether or not I ever get into a relationship again – no one will be able to give me the level of love that Mary did. God truly blessed me with her love, and whoever the next man is to be lucky enough to get her heart should thank his lucky stars that he has such a unique and amazing woman in love with him…

…because I still do.