Earlier this evening, I was watching television and saw yet another commercial for EHarmony.com, a website that was developed by Dr. Neil Clark Warren and claims to be, “the fastest growing relationship site on the web.” “When you’re ready to find the love of your life” as the site boasts, it invites anyone to take their “free” personality profile, which, according to the site, is, “a unique and powerful tool in finding your soul mate.” Finally sick of these commercials and their snake oil promises – I decided to fill out their “free” personality profile and see for myself just what this scam was all about.

Under a fictitious e-mail address with the password, “thisisajoke” – I very patiently and very honestly completed their “free” personality profile – which is, according to EHarmony.com, based on 29 different dimensions of compatibility, and consisted of literally hundreds of reworded and recycled questions that I answered based on a scale of how the question best fit me. For example, if the question was, “I enjoy making new friends” – I would click “1” for “not at all” or “7” for “very much.” Each screen would have 25-35 questions of this sort – only to have another 25-35 more appear when the last batch was completed. After about 20 minutes of this endless stream of questions – I was ready to give up – but my determination to see how much of a scam this website was made me continue until the “free” personality profile was finally completed.

After honestly answering each question despite my fake e-mail address and original bias – I was given my results, which were the following:

Overview
• You have a strong sense of humor. You usually know when to lighten a difficult situation, amuse and entertain people.
• You have a strong feeling of optimism, considered favorably by most people around you. Your perception is that the bottle is half-full rather than half-empty.
• You have to be with people. This extends into the need to gain popularity, achieve social recognition and influence those people around you. The “bottom-line” is a strong people orientation.

Communication
• You can generate enthusiasm in yourself and in other people. Your enthusiasm, often contagious, involves many people in a social activity who might not ordinarily become involved.
• You have a natural, outgoing style that some have labeled as the “natural salesperson.” You are generally likable, talkative and socially assertive. Your primary intent is convincing or persuading people.
• You show sympathy to the feelings and needs of others. Your natural empathy style may draw others to you.
• One of your great strengths is your ability to communicate and talk readily. Since all strengths may be overused at times, you may sometimes talk too much.
• You are a natural communicator. You love to talk, offer jokes and make sure that everyone is having a good time. This trait is especially evident at functions and outings.

I will give them the fact that their “free” personality profile I completed did pretty much describe me to a “T” for the most part, and that they are thorough and do go to great lengths to try and find out as much about you as they can…

…but here is the scam.

First of all, once they find you a “match” – you cannot view their picture or full profile, or even communicate with them until you purchase one of their membership plans, which cost as “little” as $50 per month – and as much as $250 if you sign up for the whole year, which comes with a free “Relationship Starter Kit” – that contains nothing more than two of Dr. Warren’s books, Finding The Love Of Your Life and Date…Or Soul Mate.

Second of all, I have a real problem with the fact that this website promises to find someone their soul mate, which is a pretty hefty promise. Most dating websites, like JDate.com for example, offers people the opportunity to find, “a friend, a date, or more” – not a soul mate. How does the fact that I have the same personality traits as someone else who took the “free” personality profile make them my potential soul mate? Take my potential “matches” for example. After I completed the profile, I was sent five potential “soul mates” to choose from. Randomly, I picked one of the five. Her name is Carmen and she lives in Bayonne, New Jersey.

According to the parts of her profile I was allowed to see without sending EHarmony.com money, I saw that her three relationship strengths were that she has a quick wit and a great sense of humor, she likes to resolve issues well the first time, and then move on – and that she tends to make people feel very comfortable. Granted, those traits do match mine. But in addition, one of the three things she is most thankful for is her daughter. In my profile, I specifically stated that I did not want to be matched with anyone who had children – so right there EHarmony.com screwed up. But besides their blatant error and disregard for my request for a childless “soul mate” – how does the fact that we both have a great sense of humor make us soul mates? I’m sorry, but just because someone has the same personality traits as you does not make them your soul mate – because there is so much more to consider.

I understand that many couples have become either engaged or married as a result of EHarmony.com – but I call that luck, not proof. And no matter the website’s success rate, amount of customers or national membership pool – similar traits does not a soul mate make.

In my opinion, EHarmony.com is nothing more than a money-making scheme devised by a glorified matchmaker who is using people’s desire to fall in love as his way of filling their minds with promises – while filling his own pockets with their money.

Nice try Dr. Warren. If there is a soul mate out there for me – I don’t need to pay you $50 a month to find her. After all, last time I checked – fate and destiny were free.