Earlier this year, I said goodbye to yet another lady who I thought would bring me a happy relationship. Since then, I have been more jaded against the thought of romance, partnership and love that I ever have been before in my life. Not only have I noticed this, but so have my dearest and closest friends. So I ask – is it possible for a person to, after an unfortunate experience – completely lose the ability to love?

Over the last few months, I have absolutely abandoned the idea of falling in love again. Through very obvious body language, huge emotional walls, and subconscious justification – the mere thought of inviting romance and love into my life is – quite frankly – nauseating. In fact, I have had the opportunity to date two different women, and have even gone so far as to schedule a first date with both ladies – only to cancel because the thought of taking another stab at the possibility of a relationship is the farthest thing from what I want at this time.

Recently, my friend Lisa told me that she has noticed that when a woman has complimented me, flirted with me – or even deliberately asked me out – I have either blown them off, or completely ignored them – and she is right. Right now in my life, if Britney Spears or the girl next door asked me out – I would say no without a moment’s hesitation – because no matter the lady whose fancy I tickle – no one at this point in my life would tickle mine.

Earlier in my life, I was a romantic freak. Whether I was in a relationship or not, I loved romantic music, movies, and writings – and spent most of my time absorbing as many morsels of romance that I could. But now, I feel as though every ounce of romance I that have ever had has been completely drained from my body. In fact, each time I have recently encountered a romantic movie, song, scene, poem, couple, or website – I have treated it as a parent who has disowned his child – and never wants to see them again.

Often, I wonder how this is possible. How one person who was so Hell-bent on love and relationships can do a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn and go from embracing true love to despising it. How someone could spend so many years of their life wanting nothing more than to fall in love and be in love – only to revert to viewing love and romance with disdain and disgust.

If I had a time machine years ago and went into the future to today and saw my current views on love and relationships – I would think that my time travel skewed me into an alternate reality. But the fact is that this is how I feel right now, and if I have anything to say about it – this new view of romance and love will last forever…

…and that, to me, is real happiness.