At least once in all of our lives, we have moved. Whether it be to a new home, a new job, or even a new city. At some point, we have all had to endure a move or two. Personally, I can’t stand it, let me tell you why.

Both my friends and my family have labeled me an, “obsessively neat pack-rat”, which is a title I am proud to accept. My house is filled with magazines and newspapers and knick-knacks and what others call “junk” but what I call “stuff”. This “stuff” has been placed by me in a certain spot, and when people come to my house and pick it up to look at it, they always put it down in the wrong place – why? – why can’t they put it back where it belongs? This is why I hate inviting someone new to my house, because when they are done getting the grand tour, they think I have great “stuff” and I think I am going to have a breakdown.

If I can't stand moving my “stuff” once it is placed in its designated spot, you can imagine how much I hate moving. Having to box up my entire life, ship it somewhere new, and then begin to find new places for old stuff – this can do a tremendous amount of damage to someone as neurotic as me – but, I guess its part of life.

The reason you are getting this thought for your penny today is because I just moved into the office here at the Eagle and it is that experience that made me think to write this column. But today, my readers, your penny will get you more than your money’s worth, because I’m going to give you Paul’s Neurotic Moving Tips for the next time you have to put your life in a box:

• First, box up anything that you are saving “just because”, because chances are you don’t need it, you just have it, well, just because.
• Make sure when you box up things like CDs, tapes, videos, etc., they are still in alphabetical order in the box so when you remove them, they are easy to re-alphabetize.
• Make labels for each box that reads, “ATTENTION: The items in this box are of tremendous personal value to an obsessively neat pack-rat. Please return this box and all of its contents to the address listed to prevent a nervous breakdown due to loss of completely unnecessary stuff – thank you.”
• From each of the moving men, get their name, address, telephone number, photo and fingerprints. This way if any “stuff” is broken or missing, you know who to sue.
• And finally, move into a house that you absolutely love so that you never have to go through something like this again!

By the way, I recently reached my one-year anniversary at my home in Sheepshead Bay – and I am still trying to find places for all of my stuff.