A Penny For My Thoughts

Happy Birthday Dad

By Paul Wein

Today would have been my father’s 62nd birthday – but he passed away on April 21, 1981 – 53 days before he turned 39. And despite the fact that it has been 24 years since I lost him – I still cry every year on this day as if he died only 53 days ago.

I loved my father. He could not have been a better parent to me if he tried. It’s hard to believe, but he was only in my life for 3,374 days – and in that all too short time – he still gave me a lifetime of love.

As a person, Edward Wein had a good soul. He cared about the world around him and the people he loved. He tried his best to make sure that his life and the lives of those he cared about were happy, and he accomplished this through providing assistance when needed, encouragement when necessary – and his own unique brand of love and care all the days of his very short life.

As his son, I always wanted to be like my daddy, so I looked up to him with an almost rock star/athlete worship, as all boys do to their fathers. I wanted to be just like him in every aspect. I wanted to be the guy that everyone liked and wanted to be around, I wanted to be the “go-to guy” – and I wanted to be the man that Edward Wein successfully became.

But despite his wonderful demeanor and his many accomplishments, he was taken from this Earth – and me, at the age of 38 – and all I could do was live with it and move on without him.

After his death, I as his only next-of-kin was given very few of his belongings, like the desk I now use as my own, a jewelry box that resembles a pirate’s chest, a pair of his glasses – and a “13” charm that my sister created for him out of love for a stepfather who treated her as if she was one of his own biological children.

Unfortunately, I no longer have the chain, because I foolishly entrusted it to someone who I thought knew the value of family heirlooms – and the meaning of true love – but she knew neither – and simply discarded the chain rather than returning it to me when we parted ways – leaving me to spend his birthday, and everyday thereafter – without it.

I will admit that while this day is hard enough to deal with – it has been even worse this year. In all the columns I have written about my father, I wrote how I may have lost him, but having his chain means that he is always with me. In some way, I can’t help but think that he is mad at me, or feels that I let him down. All day today, I have been really upset because now not only is he gone – but the chain is as well.

After spending the day in my house, I went to Woody’s house for a bit to try and cheer myself up, or at least distract myself from my thoughts for a while. And when I left Woody’s house and began to bike home, I decided to “talk” to my father, and in doing so – I realized that I have more priceless heirlooms of my father than I ever realized.

Granted, I may not have his chain anymore, but I have his love for life, his desire to bring happiness and joy to the people I love, his thirst for success – and the same love for my “son” Beavis that he had for his son Paul – and no one will ever be able to take those things away from me.

So on my father’s 62nd birthday, I was the one who got a present – and that present was the realization that I have more of my father with me and in me than I ever knew – and although his charm is no longer around my neck – all that was Edward Wein is in my soul…

…and that is something I will wear with pride.

Happy Birthday Dad. I love you.

“Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence,
my father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me,
and then spin me around ‘til I fell asleep.
Then up the stairs he would carry me,
and I knew for sure I was loved,
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him,
I’d play a song that would never, ever end.
How I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again.”
Luther Vandross – Dance With My Father