Although I usually eat lunch at my desk every day, I decided that I might want to begin my holiday shopping considering the fact that tomorrow is Christmas Eve. So I headed down Broadway to buy a few gifts for the people on my list.

After shopping, I decided to grab a quick bite to eat and thought Burger King would be the best choice, so I headed to the Burger King on Broadway where Doug and I used to spend many a lunch hour - and had, in addition to my Whopper - the most profound sense of loss with regard to losing Doug since that awful Tuesday morning over two years ago.

As soon as I got inside the restaurant, I felt him there. I can't tell you how many times we stood on line right where I was waiting to order our lunches. At one point, I could have sworn that I saw him out of the corner of my eye - but I know I did not - just wishful thinking.

After I got my food and surveyed the room looking for a table - I saw dozens of Dougs sitting at almost every table. We must have sat at every single booth and table in that Burger King - and I felt him almost everywhere. I remember how one of us used to hold a table while the other one got the food, and how I would have to look around the room to find him when it was my turn to wait on line. As I surveyed the room this time - I would have given anything to see him.

As I ate my Whopper, I was talking to my co-worker Jeanine who joined me for my shopping excursion about how Doug and I used to eat there almost every day, and how we even sat at the booth her and I were sitting at. Then, thinking out loud, I exclaimed what a senseless, tragic shame it was that Doug had to lose his life in such a despicable way...

...then I started to cry.

I don't know if it was the fact that I "felt" him in that restaurant, or that I knew that I could never eat there with him again, but I felt the tears fill my eyes as I once again had an unpleasant reminder that Douglas Farnum is no longer with us - that he is gone. While Jeanine is pleasant company - I would have given anything to have lunch with Doug just one more time. I miss our lunch hours more than anyone will ever know - and I miss him more than anyone can imagine.

After a few minutes of trying desperately to not cry like a baby in the middle of a Burger King, I threw out the rest of my lunch and left the restaurant. As the escalator carried me to street level, I turned around and quickly surveyed the restaurant one last time - hoping to God that he would be sitting at one of those tables - but, of course, he was not.

On the way back to the office, I insisted that we pass Ground Zero so I could go to the Wall of Names and see his. When I did, I cried again because the fact that his name is on that wall confirmed the sad fact that there Doug and I will have no more lunch hours together - ever again.

After saying a silent prayer for him, I continued toward my office and passed an art gallery that I must have passed a million times since working at the TLC. While they usually display several paintings in their front window - today's window display was - coincidentally - a painting of a bulldog that looked exactly like Doug's bulldog Alex. To me, that was a "validation" that I did "feel" Doug in Burger King today. I find it more than just luck that of all the days that they put a bulldog in their window - it was today.

Since what happened at Burger King, my mood has been one of loss and sadness because I miss Doug so much and am very sad that I will never see him again - but I also feel happy because I get the funny feeling that the reason I "felt" what I felt today was because Doug knows I have no Christmas spirit this year - and wanted to pay me a visit to brighten my holidays.

Nice to "see" you my friend...

...Merry Christmas.