Sometimes in life, no matter how much you want something and no matter what lengths you go through to plan for them - they do not come to fruition. No matter the effort put into it, the desire to see it through - or how much you think it will make you happy - you can't always get what you want. Unfortunately, I now know that all too well.

Mary, who was supposed to arrive on here in New York on Saturday to move in with me - is not coming. After carefully thinking it through, she decided that it would be best for both of us if she stayed in Florida. While I do feel very sad that the life I hoped for with her will not come to pass - I do admire her for thinking this through and for not leaping into something she was not ready for - which would have been much worse than deciding to stay in Florida before she made an unwanted move.

I am just sad that Mary and I did not work out. She is the first woman I have ever harbored feelings for, for a long period of time. I wanted to be with her since June of 2002 and finally got the chance in August of this year. She too wanted the same thing and came to see me in New York the second that we both were single and able to be together. But, as we both realized - perhaps we jumped into this a little too fast.

Here we were, two people madly in love with each other, with the opportunity to be together after not only harboring feelings for one another for so long - but after going through equally horrible relationships earlier this year - something that was way too good to pass up. So when we had the chance to be together, we leapt at it - both ignoring the fact that we both live completely different lives in completely different places. So bravo to Mary for having the ability to put her head over her heart and realize that this was not the right thing for either of us - something I was unable to do.

Truth be told, if she did move here, it is quite possible, if not very likely - that our feelings for each other would have changed. Whether she moved here or I moved there, one of us would have been away from our "natural element" and found it very hard to start a new life in someone else's hometown with nothing familiar but the person we moved for. I can completely understand where she is coming from and perhaps did not look at it from her prospective because I was not the one moving. Nonetheless - the fact that Mary is not moving here does not make me a very happy man.

I have absolutely no hard feelings toward Mary and still love her as much as I did when I saw her in August for the first time since we met in June of 2002. Mary told me that she also loves me just as much and is equally as sad that we had the right love at the wrong time. It is just so unfortunate that despite the fact that we have all these feelings for each other - we will never be together.

If it will not be me, then I hope that someone will make that girl happy for the rest of her life - and whoever that guy is will be one lucky man. And while we may not be together anymore, I do thank God that we shared what we shared no matter how brief it was. I think it would have been worse for us if we harbored the feelings we did for each other and were never able to experience them. So at least we were able to see what it was like to be a couple and be able to actually share the love we had for each other for so long - and for that, I will always be grateful...

...I just wish it could have been forever.